Betty White's Monologue:
Cold Open:
NPR: Betty White's Muffin:
MacGruber:
Gingey ("Because She's A Lesbian"):
Scared Straight ("The Wonderful Wizard of Ass"):
Census (with Tina Fey):
Update: Sally O’Malley & Dotty O’Donaghan:
The Manuel Ortiz Show:
Bronx Beat:
Joyologist:
Courtney Love was on the Howard Stern Show this morning and admitted to his crew, including Robin Quivers, that she once had a lesbian one-night stand with a supermodel.
Which one? Well, the woman she described sounds a lot like Kate Moss.
Love: "My only one on one was — I was out of my mind — was the supermodel. And she's notoriously, pretty much gay. And that's because every girlfriend I have in London has had sex with her. So, some time in the 90s, sometime late 90s, um, I was in an Italian city with her and she pretty much chased me around the room. Literally, like she was the aggressor. And I thought: ' You know what? If you're gonna do it, do it with that one. Do it with that one.' It wasn't Naomi Campbell for god's sakes ... It's just like a hot supermodel."
Stern: "You're talking someone as hot as like a Gisele [Bundchen]?"
Love: "Older than Gisele, but perennial."
Stern: "Like an Elle McPherson beautiful?"
Love: "Prettier " [imitating the unnamed supermodel's British accent]: "Remember when we were in Milan?"
Quivers: "Kate Moss!"
Love [after long silence]: "Noooo. That's not true."
Stern: "You got it on with Kate Moss."
Love: "I was really really wasted. I don't remember much, I just remember waking up in the morning and looking at this face ... It was so feline and beautiful and she was asleep and I was like 'Oh my God'."
Stern: "It's a major notch on your belt."
Love: "I don't want to out anyone who doesn't want to be outed."
In an interview with Harper's Bazaar, Gwyneth Paltrow reveals that she's backed out of playing Nicole Kidman's wife in "The Danish Girl," the fictionalized (though somewhat biographical) film about Lili Elbe née Einarstory (Kidman), the man who underwent the first sex-change operation, and his supportive wife. Paltrow originally agreed to the part in November, taking the place of Charlize Theron.
From Harper's:
Gwyneth has also significantly scaled back her film obligations. With daughter Apple, six, and son Moses, four, both in school, shuttling the pair around the globe has proven to be, well, exhausting. "Some days I feel like everyone in my world has plugged themselves into my kidneys. I'm so tired," she says with a sigh. She even pulled out of a movie with Nicole Kidman, The Danish Girl. With the shoot changing locales, Gwyneth found it too taxing for her little ones. Not to mention that her husband, Coldplay's Chris Martin, has an equally complex tour schedule. She does readily admit, however, "When you're having dinner with your kids and your husband and someone says something funny or you're dying laughing because your three-year-old made a fart joke, it doesn't matter what else is going on. That's real happiness. ...
There's some speculation that Gwyneth's reasoning is just an excuse, however, as the film is having a tough time getting past the planning stages.
Looks like we'll all need patience at this point. These might help pass the time:
While promoting "Avatar" in Brazil last weekend, Sigourney Weaver took loyalty to a director to a whole new, not-so-great, and downright embarrassing level.
Weaver, one of the stars of "Avatar" and a woman best known for her role in the "Alien" franchise, bitch-slapped the Academy for awarding the Best Director Oscar to Kathryn Bigelow for "The Hurt Locker" instead of to "Avatar" director and Bigelow's ex-husband James Cameron. Weaver said that Bigelow received the award because she's a woman.
"Jim didn't have breasts, and I think that was the reason," she told told Folha Online, a Brazilian news site. "He should have taken home that Oscar."Weaver went on to say that the award for Best Picture should have gone to "Avatar." "In the past, 'Avatar' would have won because they [Oscar voters] loved to hand out awards to big productions, like 'Ben-Hur,'" she said. "Today it's fashionable to give the Oscar to a small movie that nobody saw."
Whether "Avatar" is a better film than "Hurt Locker" is something that will forever be debated by people who know films and by those who just enjoy watching them, but there's no debating that Weaver's choice of words in expressing her disapproval sucked. Bigelow's win made her the first woman to ever receive the Best Director
Oscar. And instead of respecting that accomplishment, Weaver is acting as if the floor buckled, sending a 2x4 up her ... nose.
Whining is unbecoming, but it's especially unbecoming when one woman degrades another in the process. Weaver's sexualization of Bigelow's achievement is an effort to cheapen it. Shame on you, Sigourney Weaver. If you want to kiss James Cameron's ass, go right ahead. But don't do it in public anymore; you're stinking the place up.
If you want to help stop the proposed $2.5B cuts in education services in that state, call the Governor directly at 916-445-2841 and sign the petition at saynotocuts.com.
Oh, and Bristol, this is how you make a creative and informative PSA:
Jamie Foxx and Howard Stern are having a feud.
It all started when Stern had some unflattering things to say about "Precious" star Gabourey Sidibe on his Sirius Radio show. From there it just got worse, when the team at Foxx's "Foxxhole" (also on Sirius radio) went after Stern, calling him a guy who hates fat black people.
Stern, who couldn't let the criticism go because he's a 13-year-old in a 56-year-old body, responded by insinuating that Foxx is gay and that he has "dirt" on the star (audio below).
By the way, Stern didn't just pull this rumor out of his giant bag of high-school insults. Speculation as to Foxx's sexuality goes back to the dawn of gaydar, around the same time Jesus rode a dinosaur to the first White Party.
When Foxx heard what Stern had spewed, he got pissy pissed! He insisted that he and Stern are "on the same team" and proved that he, too, has some growing up do (audio here): "I'm not gay. ... A lot of people say that I'm gay ... but I can eat a pizza in a male shower and not feel anything..."
I don't even know what that means.
Foxx continued, "I'm not gonna take that from a person who has chronic gonorrhea." Then he repeatedly referred to Howard Stern as "Coward Stern" and said that he pities him. "I feel bad for him because the shock thing sort of wore off. ... The guy used to be the shit."
Toward the end of his rant, Foxx wondered aloud why Howard would play the gay card, when he knows that Foxxhole loves the gays: "Shout out to all our gay constituents! We love our gay community. .... Where else would we get art and make-up?"
Brilliant. I think I'll start calling him Forrest.
FYI, I don't care at all about this foolishness. These two immature jackasses were made for each other. But I do like to be right. So, in the interest of not having to look far for a link to accompany the "I told you so" email I plan on sending a friend who just the other day asked me if I think Jamie Foxx is gay, here is a published record of my answer: Yes. Yes, I do.
Bethenny Frankel, one of the Real Housewives of New York, was married last weekend to New York businessman Jason I'm-way-too-normal-to-be-on-this-show Hoppy.
Out of all Bravo's Housewives on both coasts, Bethenny is my favorite. I think she's by far the funniest of all the women and the most direct. Is she perfect? No. But to paraphrase fellow cast-member Kelly Bensimon, "She's up here, and everyone else is down there."
Oh, Kelly, you're so pretty and tan and crazy.
I'm happy for Bethenny, and I hope she starts her new life with her husband and baby by announcing that this season will be her last on the show. Go, Bethenny! Run! Run as fast as you can away from those crazy women with their bulging eyes and horrible taste in men and furnishings.
Anyway, I couldn't help but chuckle when I saw her sporting more of a bulge in her one-shade-shy-of-white wedding gown than I'd imagined she would. I thought, You go girl! Because nothing says "fuck the rules" to society quite like an attractive 'society girl' walking down the aisle pregnant.
Right, Fanny? Hit it:
Okay, I just made that up. But my name for him is better than the one he chose.
TMZ reported this morning that Speidi — Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt — have given themselves "true native-American names" in an effort to be more spiritual.
Heidi has chosen the name "White Wolf," and Spencer has chosen "Running Bear."
Sorta pathetic, creatively speaking, right? I mean, hello? "White Wolf"? "Girl With Tool For Mate" is so much more appropriate.
Later, Kim Kardashian ended her comments by writing, "Good point! I agree! It was just a song not literal." And an hour after the whole thing began, Demi wrote, "Clearly I stirred up a s**t storm."
I'd hardly call the exchange a shit storm, but it was (is) thought-provoking.
Even though I understand why Demi is speaking out against the use of the word, and agree that we've become desensitized to its meaning, the word has been re-purposed and is now ingrained in our culture and vernacular. On the pop-culture scale, the word weighs in as "cool" and packs a punch, and therefore some people will use it for good and others for evil. Right or wrong, like the words "fag" and "gay" —words I've spoken out against — "pimp" will probably go the way of "groovy" and "boss" long before Demi Moore or anyone else can stamp it out in the name of principle. Hell, it might even stay with us forever, and be reclaimed over and over again, generation after generation, like another word we're all familiar with.
And on that note, I say to @MrsKutcher, "Keep fighting the good fight, you outspoken, commanding and uncompromising bitch. You're in good company."
Provocative observations and small bites of humorous mischief.
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